Cheaper to Reaper Read online

  I don’t bother asking the questions, though, because I can tell Samuel isn’t going to give me any more info about that at the moment.

  “So, is Toru single? I mean, does he have a girlfriend? I’m assuming we can date in the afterlife, right?” It must be true, because I’ve seen a lot of couples so far. Samuel glares at me as he pushes his way through a tight crowd that’s gathered outside of what looks like a library.

  “I don’t know if he’s single,” he growls. “Why do you care?”

  That makes me want to laugh. His response is exactly the jealousy that I was hoping for. I shrug.

  “Don’t know. He seems like a nice guy, someone I’d like to… get to know.” I wonder if he really is jealous of my interest in Toru, which would be awesome. I look up at him.

  When Samuel looks down at me, I give him a wide smile in response. “You don’t need to get to know him. He’s bad news.”

  I frown at that. For whatever strange reason, I don’t believe that. Honestly, I would say that Toru is a sad, lonely guy who’s hurting. And that makes my heart hurt for him. A lot.

  While I had hoped for a jealous response from Samuel, now I don’t really care what he thinks. Everything in me wants to chase Toru down and tell him that I’m here for him.

  Wow. Weird.

  Honestly, I feel like the biggest flake in the world right now. I mean, three seconds ago I was all about Samuel, about how I could get his attention, how I could make him jealous. Now? Now I just want to turn and run down the hall to Toru, to gather him in my arms and tell him that he’s not alone in this weirdness that is the afterlife.

  I can’t figure me out.

  Samuel leads us to a door at the end of the hall. He opens it without knocking and I follow him into what looks like an administration office. It’s funny how things in the “after” are just like things in the “before.” While I might not remember loved ones I left behind, I definitely remember all the doctor, dentist and school offices I spent countless hours in.

  A lady sitting behind a big desk smiles hugely at Samuel and I’m pretty sure she bats her eyelashes at him as her grin widens even further. If she gets that mouth any bigger, she’s gonna swallow the guy whole.f

  “Well hello, handsome,” she purrs. I wonder then if she’s related to Ali. Bunch of freaking cats in the afterlife.

  “Cass, this is Chloe Sawyer,” Samuel says as he motions to me without bothering to actually look at me. That makes me want to kick him in the back of his knees.

  The lady’s eye batting stops and she looks me over. I see her top lip twitch, like she’s trying hard not to snarl at me. What a cu—

  “Chloe is starting Reaper School, per Badcock’s sentence,” Samuel tells her. “She needs a dorm assignment in our wing and extra uniforms, plus a Reaper uniform.”

  Cass turns to her computer — yep, even those are still used in the afterlife, which makes me wonder if they have Netflix too, which would be sweeeet — and so I nudge Samuel with my elbow. He glances down at me, like I’m a big pain or something.

  “Does that mean I’m gonna get one of those cool sickle thingies?” I ask. Cass snorts and I fight not to smash her monitor over her head.

  Dang, girl, where is all this violence coming from? Must be because I’m gonna be a bad-A Reaper. I’m so gonna rock this assignment. Chloe Sawyer, Reaper Extraordinaire.

  He rolls his eyes. “Not at first. You have to learn how to use it first. You won’t get assigned a scythe—” he puts emphasis on that, like trying to make stupid ol’ me understand, which makes me not only want to kick the back of his knees, but also maybe kick him in the Reaper jewels— “until you meet the requirements of the program and then get proper field training.”

  “Bummer,” I mutter. Cass looks up from her screen then.

  “I don’t have any dorm rooms available in the Reaper wing,” she says as she gives me a totally fake apologetic look. I bet there are rooms available and she’s just being a—

  “What’s the closest then?” Samuel asks.

  She types away for a few seconds, then squints at her screen and makes an “Oh man, sucks to be you” face at me.

  “The closest I can get Miss Sawyer to the Reaper wing is the Fae dorms.”

  “That’s three buildings away!” Samuel exclaims. “And I’m no’ so sure I want her to be amongst the Fae.”

  I wonder why his accent is thick again. It seems to only get thick when he’s upset, but I have no clue why he cares where I sleep, considering he’s basically tossed me aside after teasing me all day with his flirty looks.

  Jackass.

  “Sorry,” Cass says, totally not sorry. I have no idea why I’ve already made an enemy of the woman when all I did was walk in the office with…

  Well, hell’s bells. That dim light goes on again. She has the hots for Samuel, obviously, and she must think I’m competition. Huh. That’s kind of weird, I think, considering I’m a student of his and all, but it also gives me hope that there’s a possibility that I can be competition.

  Annnd… there I am, swinging back to Team Sammy after vigorously erasing his name from my potential boyfriend roster minutes before. I swear, I’m doing more swinging than a wife-swapping monkey.

  Samuel growls like a bear again, then gathers some papers from Cass, halfheartedly thanks her, and turns to leave without even a glance at me. I follow, because I have no idea where I’m supposed to go.

  When we get out in the hall, he turns right and stomps down to the next intersection, then turns left without even looking back to see if I’m following. I have half a mind to go in the opposite direction, just to teach him a lesson. But I know that I’d get hopelessly lost in this ridiculous place, and they’d only find me by the smell after my body started to rot.

  Of course, I’m not sure that I can die again.

  So instead, I jog after the guy, thankful he’s so tall I can see his pretty blond head over the crowd. I hurry to follow after him when he turns down yet another long hallway.

  This place is a freaking maze.

  I nearly rear-end him when he stops at a door and thrusts the papers he’s holding at me. I startle at his abruptness and give him a good frown as I take the papers and glance down at them. They look like some sort of order form.

  “This is where you get your uniforms.” He’s back to growling. “Give the papers to the guy inside and he’ll get you outfitted.” He turns to leave, but I grab his arm. He looks down at my hand then back at me.

  “Did I do something to ruffle your feathers?” I ask.

  He shakes his head, the action looking like both an answer and to clear it. “No.”

  Another just plain “no.” I ain’t liking these one-word answers. Not. At. All.

  I give him a good scowl. “Well then Yogi, I think you need to take your growly bear ass and find a cave, cuz you’re needing to hibernate.”

  That makes his lips twitch for a few seconds, until he can’t seem to hold back a smile. “I’m sorry,” he says, “it’s just that I—” his eyes flicker up and down the hall, which is deserted at the moment. Samuel leans close and I have to tilt my head back to look at him. I’m surprised to see the look in his eye — it reminds me of how my cat always looked just before he jumped a bug.

  “It’s hard to be around you, lass, and not kiss you senseless.”

  Umm… wow.

  I blink a few times at his admission. “So, why don’t you?”

  He straightens with a grimace. “Because I’m your teacher now. We can’t have that—” the door opens behind him, interrupting the upcoming argument he was going to give me about how we can’t have a relationship.

  Whatever. I’m gonna figure out how to get him to break the rules and once I set my mind on something, Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, I get it done.

  “Samuel!” a voice exclaims happily, but it’s a man this time. I’m thinking the Reaper dean is one popular fellow. I turn as Samuel greets the man named “Sal.” The man is small and…
bright. I think every available color is represented in his outfit, and in his rainbow hair that’s long on top, falling to hang over his left ear and shaved on the sides. He grins at me and I can’t help but smile back.

  “This is Chloe Sawyer, a new Reaper student.”

  Sal’s eyes widen at that. He looks downright shocked, honestly. His eyes go from me to Samuel and I can see the question there, like he’s confirming it’s no joke. Samuel sighs and nods, and then Sal’s eyes widen even further.

  “What is Azrael going to say?” he breathes and I see that he has his tongue pierced several times.

  Samuel shrugs. “I don’t know,” he sighs. “I’m on my way to see him now. Can you take care of Chloe from here?”

  Sal happily agrees and takes the papers from me. I’m wondering who this Azrael is. I never thought to ask Samuel about him or her before, with all the other stuff that was going on. But it seems this entity isn’t going to like having me, for whatever reason.

  Oh well… he, she, it is just gonna have to get used to having Chloe Sawyer around, cuz I ain’t goin’ nowhere, no how, especially not after the hot blond guy walking away without even a backward glance just admitted he wants to kiss me.

  He is gonna find out just how determined a fun-size Texan gal can be.

  Chapter 7

  S AL HAS A HARD time finding me a Reaper uniform that will fit. True to the legends, or fairy tales, or whatever, it’s a freaking black robe. Ugly as sin, but still not as ugly as my extra comfy shoes.

  He decides he’s going to have to special order a robe for me, but unfortunately, he does have an extra school uniform for me — yay, not — and he tells me that what I’m wearing is “bits and pieces from other schools.” When I ask why I wasn’t just given a regular Reaper student uniform, he shocks me.

  “You’re the first female the Reaper school has ever had!” he tells me with way more excitement than I’m feeling. His admission shocks me and kinda terrifies me at the same time. I’m definitely not the trailblazer type.

  I think back to Ali and the difficulty he had putting together a uniform for me. I also remember him asking Samuel about the pants, which means it was Sneaky Sammy’s idea to give me the short skirt.

  Dude wanted to see my legs. The perv… the thought of that makes my lips curl up. He says he can’t have anything to do with me like that since he’s my teacher, yet he wants me in a semi-sexy outfit.

  It also means he lied to me about how I was wearing my uniform before. If there isn’t a precedent for a girl Reaper uniform, then I’m so going with the Daisy Duke at Catholic school look. I might even go back to my platforms.

  I might not be a trailblazer, but I am a rebel. Yep, Sneaky Sammy’s in a world of trouble.

  Sal almost has a heart attack — if such a thing is possible in the afterlife — when I unbutton my blouse and tie it back up under my boobs, then knot the sweater around my hips. I tell him that I just figured out that since there isn’t a girl Reaper uniform precedent, I’m doing it my way.

  Suddenly Sal is super giddy. Seriously, I never really knew what “giddy” meant until now, but the rainbow-colored man brings that word to life. He’s so happy with my clothing rebellion that he even insists I totally unbutton my blouse so it’s barely covering the girls, and then gives me a longer tie to make a bow right at the cleavage.

  “To draw some attention,” he winks at me as he fluffs out the bow. Then he brings out a mirror and I get the first look at my new and improved self.

  Ohmygawd… “I look freaking awesome!” I squeal. It’s vain, I know, but damn, this Chloe upgrade is wayyy better than the old version. I could even hold a candle to Tabby now.

  The thought of her makes my heart pinch a little. I miss my friends so much already, even though it’s only been a few hours… I think. I’m not real sure how time works now, since there aren’t any clocks anywhere. And shockingly, no cellphones. I feel a little lost without my iPhone, but it’s whatever.

  I have plenty to occupy my mind right now.

  As I check out my reflection with the fluffier, shinier and I swear blonder hair, the more defined curves and the brighter green eyes, I glance down at my feet and cringe at the shoes ruining the total image. I need cuter shoes with this outfit and remember that I left my heels in that transport thingy. I sigh, but figure I’ll worry about it later. With my boobs almost hanging out, I doubt Samuel is going to be looking at my feet. Besides, he’s the one who picked out the stupid things; maybe he has a granny shoe fetish.

  And I can always get some new shoes. I think. Surely there are afterlife stores around. But that thought makes me wonder what we use for money now and ask Sal.

  “Oh, you don’t need money in the afterlife, silly!” he tells me as he playfully whacks my arm. “Whenever you need something, you go to the Commissary and get it.”

  My eyes widen. “Just like that? There’s no trading or anything?”

  He shakes his head and gives a dismissive wave. “No, no, no, you just get what you need. Easy peasy!”

  I ask where this “Commissary” is, but Sal gives me such complicated instructions that I can’t even follow it. I’ll have to find someone to lead me there… and back. I think I’m going to need a bag of breadcrumbs for the Academy’s maze of halls.

  Sal fusses over my uniform for a bit and I get uncomfortable. I’ve never been good with silence.

  “Is this your… uh, afterlife service? I mean, fitting students at the Academy?”

  Sal nods as he pulls my blouse open even further, then shocks me somewhat by pushing my boobs together. From anyone else, it would be sexual assault. But with Sal, I can tell he isn’t interested in me like that.

  I think he only has eyes for Samuel, who apparently is Afterlife Academy’s crush.

  “I was given the option of this or the Mother Nature service.” He wrinkles his nose at that and give a dramatic shudder. Huh. I wonder if that Badcock person uses the boring plant service to push people into other positions.

  “It’s embarrassing,” he continues, “but I died after I pushed a very poorly dressed young lady away from a half-price Hermès scarf I had my eye on first and her boyfriend slammed my head into the clothing rack.” He sighs then.

  “I wish I could have brought that scarf with me into the afterlife.”

  I laugh. He isn’t sad that he died; he’s sad that he didn’t get to nab a great deal beforehand. Sal is a true fashionista.

  After I get my uniform, Sal shocks me by using a cellphone to get in touch with someone named “Gio.” He tells them that he needs an escort to the Fae dorms for a new Reaper student, and apparently this Gio person starts arguing. Sal rolls his eyes and mouths “drama queen” at me, making me giggle.

  I guess Gio hears me, because Sal glances at me.

  “Yes, Gigolo, a girl. A very beautiful one to be exact.” He winks at me and gives me wiggly perv eyebrows as he says this, making me laugh again. I’ve never, ever been called beautiful before.

  Sal laughs when he turns off his phone. “He’s on his way,” he tells me, “tongue and tail wagging.” But then Sal’s expression sobers.

  “You need to, um, be careful with Gio. He’s… well, he’s got quite a reputation with the females. Hence his nickname ‘Gio Gigolo’. The ladies are always throwing their panties his way,” he jokes then cocks his head at me.

  “One thing you have going for you, though, is that he hates the Reapers.”

  I frown; I’m not sure how having someone hate me can be considered a good thing.

  While we’re waiting, I fidget with my outfit as Sal folds a big stack of clothes. After what Sal said about this Gio guy “loving the ladies,” I suddenly don’t want to slut it up. Which is weird, I know, considering just an hour ago I was wiggling my behind in Samuel’s face. But I sort of knew that Samuel isn’t a player.

  I talk a big game, but my mouth as a tendency to write checks my butt can’t cash.

  I button up to just above my cleavage and untie my blo
use, then button it all the way down. I then unzip my skirt to tuck it in, not caring if Sal sees more of my skin. Seriously, the guy is not interested.

  As I shove the front tails of my blouse into the waistband, I accidentally push the skirt down. It pools at my feet and I squeak, because interested or not, that was way more skin than I meant to show Sal. I curse as he laughs, shakes his head and turns back to his clothes folding endeavors.

  I quickly bend over to grab my wayward skirt. Sal may not get turned on by girls, but that doesn’t mean I want to flash my booty at him.

  And, true to the way my stupid life goes — and I guess now my afterlife too — the door opens behind me.

  I freeze. Don’t ask me why; maybe it’s shock, because a freaking normal person would have grabbed her skirt and yanked it back up to cover herself. Not me. Nope. I stand there — okay, so I bend there — in all my see-through purple lace ass-covered glory and peer through my legs at one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen.

  Gio, I presume.

  From my upside-down perspective, I see a huge grin spread over his perfect face. If he looks this good upside down, I can’t wait to see what he looks like right side up.

  Samuel who? Yep, once again, I’ve wishy-washed all over myself.

  There’s no helping the situation, so I slowly rise while pulling my skirt up, then wiggle to get it up over my butt. Gio groans and Sal, who’s facing me, grins and winks again.

  “Gio, this is Chloe,” Sal says, making me want to kick him. I was hoping to get my blush under control before meeting the guy, but nope. I glare at Sal. Thanks a lot, jerk. I think he reads my mind, because his grin widens.

  I turn slowly as I zip my skirt to make sure I don’t flash him my lace-covered cooch too. “Hi,” I say lamely as I wave. Cuz I’m smooth like that.

  Mister I’m Too Sexy For A Girl’s Sanity takes a step forward and clasps the hand I just waved. He bends over — yep, he’s tall too — and pulls my hand to his lips. Those gorgeous dark pink pillows of kissaliciousness brush lightly over my skin, causing me to break out in shivers.